TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK

It’s been a bit of a week y’all. 


A week spent questioning my worth as a woman, as a coach and as a healer so when I arrived on Erica's (my Reiki teacher / healer) doorstep on Thursday evening I was an emotional & energetic mess. Unsteady & unsure. That sounds dramatic, I know, but it's exactly how I felt and she saw me and my unsteady feet the minute I walked through the door. And the feelings of unworthiness, those are the type of feelings that make me want to run and hide from people who can see me, my own prying eyes included, so her gaze was EXTRA uncomfortable in that moment. 

Here's the thing, I knew the discomfort of her gaze would soothe me in the end. That allowing someone to see me, to watch me cry, would be the exact healing I needed. The salve for my wounds.

That's most annoyingly beautiful thing about transformation, right? That the exact thing we run from is the exact thing that heals us.

Erica reminded me, as we grounded me, that it’s been a massive year of shifts and losses for me, that energetically & emotionally I have been pushed to my edge over the past 12 months and the Universe was clapping back. She reminded me that we all have moments of expansion & contraction or in simpler terms, we all take two steps forward only to fall one step back.

She explained that in moments of struggle we are collecting kindling to fuel the next round of expansion.

I love that so much, it brings me to tears as I type it, because that means I won't be contracted forever. That brighter days are ahead. That expansion awaits. 

So instead of fighting against our contractions we can rest, reflect on how far we've come and save our energy for the next round of expansion. What a relief.

What or who are you running from today? When was the last time you gazed into your own eyes and really saw yourself? When was the last time you let someone see you?

Megan Soutar