An Unplanned Pregnancy, Part I

I honestly thought I was going through early menopause; I was convinced that I couldn't get pregnant. 

As a 38 year old woman who's been sexually active for nearly two decades, there were a few moments over the years when pregnancy seemed like the only possible outcome, perfectly imperfect timing, and yet, never pregnant. And I'd adopted the ovulation method of birth control in my 30's when in a long term relationship, never pregnant; proof.

Always safe, tested and with monogamous partners, just never too concerned with unplanned pregnancy.

Until I was.

On the phone with a friend, I described how tired I was, said my abs were sore as if I'd done a core workout (hadn't) and oh yeah, my period was 7 days late.

"I can feel my body changing, I'm definitely going through early menopause."

"Maybe you should do a pregnancy test? Better to know before you go away, enjoy Cali worry free." 

To answer the question you are likely screaming at your screen right now - I thought I was going through early menopause as I'd been testing for fertile days (to avoid pregnancy) with ovulation strips for 6 months and hadn't detected fertility hormones in 2 months. 

So I drove to the store while she drove to my house and when I returned I took 3 tests and all 3 came out positive. Positive. To say I was in shock is a massive understatement. I'd spent the last 6 months knowing, deep in my heart, that I couldn't get pregnant and yet here I was, pregnant. 

My dear friend sat with me as I attempted to process my new reality; 38, no desire to raise children, single (the father and I had ended our relationship 2 weeks earlier), brother in the middle of an acute medical emergency (about to be diagnosed with terminal lung cancer) and leaving for a work trip to Lake Tahoe in 4 days. Fuck.

Our story is best told in parts to allow time for you and I both to rest and digest. It's complicated and emotionally and spiritually nuanced. You're reading the most heart wrenching tale of my life.



Megan Soutar