HOW DO WE GET WHAT WE TRULY DESIRE?

No matter how successful, how in love, how attractive, how educated, how admired, how fit or how together we are - if we don’t love ourselves enough to set boundaries, live within our values and create healthy habits, we will never achieve all we were meant to in this life.

I know, whoa, scary but read it again and let it really sink in: If we don’t love ourselves, I mean truly, truly, truly cherish ourselves, we will never get what we truly desire.

I challenge you to ask yourself right now, which parts of you life could use a bit more love, a bit more respect, a few more healthy boundaries? And what are you doing to apply that love, respect and to set those boundaires? And if the answer to the latter is, "I'm not", then you ask yourself what you're doing to sabotage yourself because that's the other side to this coin.

Here's an example from my life, an oldie but a goodie, of how I sabotaged getting the love that I crave and deserve for years and years and years. One of my deepest desires is to be in a loving, committed partnership with a man who is committed to personal growth, committed to physical health, shares my core values & enjoys freedom & flexibility in his career.  Here is a list of qualities of men I’ve dated over the past 6 years: cocaine addict, workaholic, obsessed with finding work in another country and also, jiu jitsu, polyamorous & obsessed with his mother.

Can you see the disconnect? How could I ever realize my greatest dream if I continued to date men who were unavailable? And that's the key word, unavailable, and although the qualities listed above are very different (jiu-jitsu vs. cocaine) the message each of those men were sending me was one of unavailability. One that I chose to ignore, over and over again.

I was sabotaging myself, playing small, because I didn't believe that I was worthy of available and unconditional love. I was ignoring the fact that I didn’t value myself or my greatest desires. I chose men who ultimately would never choose me because that allowed me to say, “see?! You’re NOT good enough.” And on & on & it went.

I'd done some work on this over the past 2 years but let me tell you something, it took an unexpected pregnancy and subsequent abortion to understand what I had been up to for the past 20 years. Oprah talks about how when the Universe wants to deliver you a message, she will, no matter what. First a tap on the shoulder, then a poke in the ribs, then a slap in the face and if you still don't have it, then comes the brick to the face and if you need one more, she will bring down the whole MF'ing house. My baby, my abortion, that was the Universe finally getting my attention after years of trying. 

This time, I heard her, finally. Don't date unavailable men if what you're looking for is a partner who chooses you, every single time.

These days soon as a red flag pops up, "I want to make things work with my ex but would love to get to know you better" (for example), I politely excuse myself & literally sprint in the other direction. I am sure that much heartache would have been spared if I’d figured it out 20 years ago but here’s the thing, we heal our wounds when we are ready, when we know how.

Cultivating self-love & self-worth means boundary setting, letting go of old patterns, building on that love & worth with intentional practice & commitment. Now that I have learned my lesson, the great lesson of of my life, it is time for me to help you. Are you ready? if so, I can help. Book a free 30 minute call with me today.

Megan Soutar